How do we cope when things get rough? 

When something happens which challenges us, to what resources do we turn?

Resiliency is a term that describes our ability to cope with adverse situations, adapt to change and overcome challenges to our “normal” pattern of life.  The Army takes the question of resiliency so seriously that there is an entire school, the U.S. Army Master Resiliency School, devoted to teaching this art.  The Army recognizes that it needs resilient Soldiers, backed by resilient families. 

Resiliency is a combination of physical toughness, mental resolve, and spiritual grounding.  However, resiliency is more than simply about keeping these factors in balance.  When any one of these areas is attacked, how do we bounce back?  When we become physically injured, do we have the resolve to keep going, through the pain, or do we just give up?  When something rocks the stability or integrity of our family, how do we react?  When our image of a loving God is tested or our religious beliefs are challenged, what do we do?

Everyone has an “espoused” belief system, essentially, an understanding of who we are, what our purpose is in living, and how we should all live together.  As Christians, we ground this in biblical precepts – through scripture, and our inherited tradition, we have an understanding of how we should behave as Christians – our espoused belief system, or what we say we believe.

However, everyone also has a “lived” belief system, or the practical way in which we live out our lives, based on what we really believe.  Ideally, our “espoused” and “lived” beliefs will be the same: what we say is what we do.  Nobody likes a politician, for instance, who says one thing, and does another.  It leaves us feeling bitter and uneasy.  There is a gap between their espoused beliefs and their lived beliefs: their words, and their actions.

Crises and adversity really put a strain on our belief systems.  They can often put distance between our espoused and lived beliefs.  If someone hurts me, do I turn the other cheek, or do I put my beliefs aside and look for a way to punish them?  If I am going to lose a game, do I accept the result with humility, or do I cheat?  Crises really challenge our behavior.  In our frail human condition, we are predisposed to minimize our personal pain, reduce the impact to our habitual state, and maximize our reward, even if that comes at someone else’s expense.

However, this is not the Christian way.  Jesus says, “In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets” (Matt 7.12).  In everything, not just when times are good, or when it is convenient.  In everything.

This is why resiliency is so important.  The more resilient I am, the less inclined I will be to set aside my espoused beliefs and just do “whatever it takes.”  If Soldiers suspend their training and morality when they are confronted with adversity, the results can be devastating.  But resiliency is applicable to all of us, not just Soldiers.  We are all confronted with challenges and change, throughout our lives.  Is our faith strong enough in a crisis for our actions to stay in line with what we say we believe?

The good news is that resiliency can be taught.  Faith can be built up.  Fostering an active prayer life, studying God’s Word, and growing roots in your Church family all help build a solid foundation of resiliency.

“Do to others as you would have them do to you.”  Behave, in adversity, as you would in normalcy.  Let there be no difference in what you say you believe, and the way you live your life.  Be resilient.

Blessings and peace,
Fr. Nick